As much as I'm reluctant to admit this, it is crystal clear that everything is no longer the same anymore.
This little circle of friendship may be chained strongly but again, life is a bitch.
We can no more be there for one another, holding each other's back just to make sure the other party feels better.
It's not about 'not making time'.
It's 'not being able to make time'.
I can now finally understand why is it so difficult for high school leavers to organise a gathering.
When we were in school, we see each other at least 5 days a week.
Some weeks if we're lucky, we spend each day of the week together.
If we can't be there for a friend at that moment, we will eventually meet the following day.
Catching-ups were never this hard that everything else you're doing feels like a burden.
Things change and friends leave and life doesn't stop for anybody.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Sunday, December 22, 2013
hatred
My thoughts exactly.
How can I hate and love you so much at the same time?
I hate the way you push me away and come back making me feel like I was the only one.
I hate it when you smile at me, telling me everything is going to be fine.
I hate that you wipe my tears away when you're the reason behind it.
Most of all, I just hate the way you made me fell helplessly for you.
Saturday, December 21, 2013
updates
Hello.
I know I haven't updated this space for quite some time.
My last post was about two to three weeks ago.
I know I only have a few readers but I still feel obliged to keep writing.
Almost everyday, I tell myself I must blog but due to work, I hardly have any time for myself.
Days when I don't need to work, I spend them with my friends or family.
Even some days when I work in the evenings, I still spend them with people I care about.
When I get home at night, I'm already too tired and exhausted to blog.
For all I know, I'm not even active on my favourite social platform ( Twitter ) anymore.
Of course, I am not complaining at all.
I'd rather be busy, tired and have limited time for myself than just staying at home all day and night.
Promise you I'll blog about work on the next post.
Oh and I've sort of decided where I'm gonna further my studies and what I'm gonna do.
Although I'm not 100% sure this is what I want but it is close enough.
Till then, xx
I know I haven't updated this space for quite some time.
My last post was about two to three weeks ago.
I know I only have a few readers but I still feel obliged to keep writing.
Almost everyday, I tell myself I must blog but due to work, I hardly have any time for myself.
Days when I don't need to work, I spend them with my friends or family.
Even some days when I work in the evenings, I still spend them with people I care about.
When I get home at night, I'm already too tired and exhausted to blog.
For all I know, I'm not even active on my favourite social platform ( Twitter ) anymore.
Of course, I am not complaining at all.
I'd rather be busy, tired and have limited time for myself than just staying at home all day and night.
Promise you I'll blog about work on the next post.
Oh and I've sort of decided where I'm gonna further my studies and what I'm gonna do.
Although I'm not 100% sure this is what I want but it is close enough.
Till then, xx
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
updates
Oh hello.
It has been a long hiatus, hasn't it?
My last post has been like what, 10 days ago?
Now that SPM has ended I should be blogging more often and all that but somehow it's the other way round.
It's almost a week since SPM ended and so far nothing much has happened.
Partied on the night with my closest friends and I have to say, I had fun even though things didn't turn out like how it was supposed to.
Went out for Catching Fire and thankfully, it was better than the book and I cried throughout the movie which was really nothing new if you know me well enough.
Looked for a job on Monday morning with mum at JJ and applied for two of them, Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and Chatime.
Before the search, I was actually quite eager to get a place in Chatime.
Well, you know, the ice blending and pearls shit are uber cool to me okay.
After I went for walk-in interview for both, I thought I have a higher chance of getting a place in CBTL.
Turned out that both called me that night but I said yes to CBTL.
Will be starting work later at 2pm and I don't really know what to expect because I wasn't informed about anything at all except my attire and my working time for today.
No idea what's my pay, working schedule and etc.
I'll be working at JJ's CBTL for now - just for training, I guess - then they'll put me in the newly opened one at The Parade or Ipoh Parade.
More updates on the next post, I promise :)
It has been a long hiatus, hasn't it?
My last post has been like what, 10 days ago?
Now that SPM has ended I should be blogging more often and all that but somehow it's the other way round.
It's almost a week since SPM ended and so far nothing much has happened.
Partied on the night with my closest friends and I have to say, I had fun even though things didn't turn out like how it was supposed to.
Went out for Catching Fire and thankfully, it was better than the book and I cried throughout the movie which was really nothing new if you know me well enough.
Looked for a job on Monday morning with mum at JJ and applied for two of them, Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf and Chatime.
Before the search, I was actually quite eager to get a place in Chatime.
Well, you know, the ice blending and pearls shit are uber cool to me okay.
After I went for walk-in interview for both, I thought I have a higher chance of getting a place in CBTL.
Turned out that both called me that night but I said yes to CBTL.
Will be starting work later at 2pm and I don't really know what to expect because I wasn't informed about anything at all except my attire and my working time for today.
No idea what's my pay, working schedule and etc.
I'll be working at JJ's CBTL for now - just for training, I guess - then they'll put me in the newly opened one at The Parade or Ipoh Parade.
More updates on the next post, I promise :)
Saturday, November 23, 2013
recollections
Memories are the best and worst things one can create.
Memories are what made us up.
Without them, we can never be who we are today.
You know how sometimes when you play an old song which meant a lot to you, all these images in your head flashes by and you catch yourself shedding a tear or two?
Memories live in us forever.
Some which we are ashamed of.
Some which we would do anything to relive that moment.
Some which you look back and think of how immature you were.
Some which you regret for not doing the right thing when you had the chance to.
All of these made us stronger and wiser.
As for me, I have tonnes of memories which ranges from impromptu and spontaneous ones to those I choose to not reminisce.
Nonetheless, I cherish every one of it to bits.
They are only thing that belong to me and undoubtedly the most precious.
Don't be afraid to take risks as they might turn out to be your finest recollection ever.
Be immature when you're still young because that's the only time you will be able to.
Let loose and be yourself.
Focus on being yourself rather than trying to impress others with something you're not.
Do what you want if you think it is right because in the long run, your choices affects no one but you.
Thus, off you go now to
"Spend a little more time making something to yourself and spend a little less time trying to impress other people" - The Breakfast Club
Memories are what made us up.
Without them, we can never be who we are today.
You know how sometimes when you play an old song which meant a lot to you, all these images in your head flashes by and you catch yourself shedding a tear or two?
Memories live in us forever.
Some which we are ashamed of.
Some which we would do anything to relive that moment.
Some which you look back and think of how immature you were.
Some which you regret for not doing the right thing when you had the chance to.
All of these made us stronger and wiser.
As for me, I have tonnes of memories which ranges from impromptu and spontaneous ones to those I choose to not reminisce.
Nonetheless, I cherish every one of it to bits.
They are only thing that belong to me and undoubtedly the most precious.
Don't be afraid to take risks as they might turn out to be your finest recollection ever.
Be immature when you're still young because that's the only time you will be able to.
Let loose and be yourself.
Focus on being yourself rather than trying to impress others with something you're not.
Do what you want if you think it is right because in the long run, your choices affects no one but you.
Thus, off you go now to
"Spend a little more time making something to yourself and spend a little less time trying to impress other people" - The Breakfast Club
Wednesday, November 20, 2013
angels and tattoos. why?
Black and white.
Yin and Yang.
Heaven and Hell.
Angels and tattoos.
Question answered.
Yin and Yang.
Heaven and Hell.
Angels and tattoos.
Question answered.
principles of right and wrong
Malaysia's education system is sick.
Yes, I just finished my Moral paper.
And no, I'm not ranting about the sudden change of format.
What I'm ranting this moment is about the whole Moral studies.
Moral values are learnt through experiences.
If memorising 36 sentences teaches us how to be well-mannered, virtuous, decent. etc, I'd be a fucking saint then. Pun intended.
Yes, I just finished my Moral paper.
And no, I'm not ranting about the sudden change of format.
What I'm ranting this moment is about the whole Moral studies.
Moral values are learnt through experiences.
If memorising 36 sentences teaches us how to be well-mannered, virtuous, decent. etc, I'd be a fucking saint then. Pun intended.
Sunday, November 17, 2013
10 days
10 days till the end of SPM.
Looking forward to the days after this major examination.
Not sure of what but I am pretty positive that God has His plans thought out.
On the contrary, it's pretty scary as well not knowing what to expect.
What's ahead of me is a long stretch of road with countless bumps and crossroads.
One fumble and it may change my life forever.
Looking forward to the days after this major examination.
Not sure of what but I am pretty positive that God has His plans thought out.
On the contrary, it's pretty scary as well not knowing what to expect.
What's ahead of me is a long stretch of road with countless bumps and crossroads.
One fumble and it may change my life forever.
how not to be
I honestly think that this world is a cruel place to live in.
Some people end their own lives because they simply can't take the ugliness.
The image is too repulsive for them to process.
These people were not taught to accept how nasty the world is.
After all, we are just a bunch of selfish people.
All we care about is our own happiness.
How many of us actually mean it when we wish someone 'Happy Birthday' or 'Good Luck' ?
How many of us sincerely wants someone else to be happy?
Maybe your parents, your best friend, your significant other, yes.
Other than that? I don't think so.
Before that, think again why do you love them?
Why do you want them to be happy?
That's solely because them being happy makes you happy, which brings us back to my previous point.
We judge people all the time.
Is it because we think they deserve to be judged?
No. Most of them don't.
We barely know the people we judge and yet we do it anyway.
Why? Because it fucking makes us happy.
In another word, it makes us feel better about ourselves.
Pointing out someone else's flaws so that society overlook our own flaws, which in turn amplifies your flaws.
Now how do we do this?
Humans.. we are complicated.
All our lives, we seek happiness.
And what do we do when happiness is in our hands?
We throw them away.
Then we start the whole ranting and complaining routine, saying that we never deserved happiness.
In the whole process, we never really bothered looking if we found the real happiness because we are too busy reaching the ones further.
In short, we are too self-centered that we sometimes disregard ourselves.
'Cause a kind heart is useless; it's a flaw in this world.
Some people end their own lives because they simply can't take the ugliness.
The image is too repulsive for them to process.
These people were not taught to accept how nasty the world is.
After all, we are just a bunch of selfish people.
All we care about is our own happiness.
How many of us actually mean it when we wish someone 'Happy Birthday' or 'Good Luck' ?
How many of us sincerely wants someone else to be happy?
Maybe your parents, your best friend, your significant other, yes.
Other than that? I don't think so.
Before that, think again why do you love them?
Why do you want them to be happy?
That's solely because them being happy makes you happy, which brings us back to my previous point.
We judge people all the time.
Is it because we think they deserve to be judged?
No. Most of them don't.
We barely know the people we judge and yet we do it anyway.
Why? Because it fucking makes us happy.
In another word, it makes us feel better about ourselves.
Pointing out someone else's flaws so that society overlook our own flaws, which in turn amplifies your flaws.
Now how do we do this?
Humans.. we are complicated.
All our lives, we seek happiness.
And what do we do when happiness is in our hands?
We throw them away.
Then we start the whole ranting and complaining routine, saying that we never deserved happiness.
In the whole process, we never really bothered looking if we found the real happiness because we are too busy reaching the ones further.
In short, we are too self-centered that we sometimes disregard ourselves.
'Cause a kind heart is useless; it's a flaw in this world.
Monday, November 11, 2013
coffee
Coffee is definitely taking its toll on me.
Can you believe it that I actually had one right before I head to bed last night?
It was supposed to keep me awake and energized but to hell with it.
I'm trying to limit myself to one cup a day but it's not going really well.
Hopefully I can stop this habit after SPM.
Fingers crossed.
Sunday, November 10, 2013
stay with me
It's pretty tough for me to put what we have and had into words.
Everything that has happened between us are so memorable, precious and dear to me and yet not all of them are worth replaying.
God knows how hard it was for you to keep in touch with me.
But dang it, you did it anyways.
Not that I'm complaining ( I never will in this case ) but all your effort slowly add up and got me stuck.
Thanks for staying by my side even when I pushed you too hard.
No one sees me the way you do and it's really moving to think about.
Just know that you have always been a big chunk of me - an inseparable chunk - and you always will.
Everything that has happened between us are so memorable, precious and dear to me and yet not all of them are worth replaying.
God knows how hard it was for you to keep in touch with me.
But dang it, you did it anyways.
Not that I'm complaining ( I never will in this case ) but all your effort slowly add up and got me stuck.
Thanks for staying by my side even when I pushed you too hard.
No one sees me the way you do and it's really moving to think about.
Just know that you have always been a big chunk of me - an inseparable chunk - and you always will.
2/9
Done with first two papers for SPM.
Language papers.
I mean like, who will flunk language papers right?
It's like the biggest no-no.
Language papers are like the biggest hope for people who don't study consistently a.k.a people like me.
...... I'm not going to lie.
I did badly.
Language papers.
I mean like, who will flunk language papers right?
It's like the biggest no-no.
Language papers are like the biggest hope for people who don't study consistently a.k.a people like me.
...... I'm not going to lie.
I did badly.
Wednesday, November 6, 2013
a fool in love
When you truly love someone, you learn to put up with all his flaws.
No matter how many times he hurt you - intentionally or unintentionally - you end up forgiving him.
Each time he hurt you, you tell yourself to not be a fool to forgive him over and over again, but you're just a fool in love.
This is merely because you know that he still loves you regardless what he's been doing to you.
You know at the end of the day, his heart still belongs to you.
He still makes you happy despite all the pain he puts you through.
You still catch yourself smiling at nothing just because he crossed your mind.
He still asks about your day and occasionally sends you 'good morning/goodnight' texts.
You still stare at the pictures of you both that never turned out to be Tumblr-ish.
He still calls you names he knows you secretly love.
Call this imperfect, call this scarred but this is something that you know you can never let go.
No matter how many times he hurt you - intentionally or unintentionally - you end up forgiving him.
Each time he hurt you, you tell yourself to not be a fool to forgive him over and over again, but you're just a fool in love.
This is merely because you know that he still loves you regardless what he's been doing to you.
You know at the end of the day, his heart still belongs to you.
He still makes you happy despite all the pain he puts you through.
You still catch yourself smiling at nothing just because he crossed your mind.
He still asks about your day and occasionally sends you 'good morning/goodnight' texts.
You still stare at the pictures of you both that never turned out to be Tumblr-ish.
He still calls you names he knows you secretly love.
Call this imperfect, call this scarred but this is something that you know you can never let go.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
stuck in reverse
SPM is like three days away and I've got so much on my mind.
All these voices in my head can't seem to shut up.
I'm just so so so so tired like beyond tired la actually.
Not the exhausted-because-I-had-a-long-day kinda tired.
I guess it's just the old me thinking too much.
Life has so many ups and downs.
What I'm going through now is definitely one of the lowest I've had.
Yet again, I assume God is playing his games with me.
Right when I thought I've got no one to trust and no one will ever worth my trust, this good ol' friend of mine showed up, again.
Trust me when I say he's always with me (not literally) whenever I'm in trouble.
It feels like God sends him to be with me through it all, like a guardian angel.
Even if we barely talk to each other anymore but there's this unwritten message that we both understand.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
All these voices in my head can't seem to shut up.
I'm just so so so so tired like beyond tired la actually.
Not the exhausted-because-I-had-a-long-day kinda tired.
I guess it's just the old me thinking too much.
Life has so many ups and downs.
What I'm going through now is definitely one of the lowest I've had.
Yet again, I assume God is playing his games with me.
Right when I thought I've got no one to trust and no one will ever worth my trust, this good ol' friend of mine showed up, again.
Trust me when I say he's always with me (not literally) whenever I'm in trouble.
It feels like God sends him to be with me through it all, like a guardian angel.
Even if we barely talk to each other anymore but there's this unwritten message that we both understand.
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.
Saturday, November 2, 2013
lies
It's fucking sick when you only find out some bad things when you thought everything is over.
Like why can't you guys fucking give a warning beforehand?
People prefer to just watch you fall and give you a not-so-helpful hand after laughing about it.
You believe lies so eventually you learn to trust no one.
Like why can't you guys fucking give a warning beforehand?
People prefer to just watch you fall and give you a not-so-helpful hand after laughing about it.
You believe lies so eventually you learn to trust no one.
trust
Where do I go when I'm blinded by lies?
Who do I count on when people I thought I knew feels like strangers to me now?
When you get screwed over by so many people, you're afraid to trust anyone.
Saturday, October 26, 2013
alone
You know how sometimes you'll feel lonely even if you're in a room full of people?
How you seem so small in a huge crowd?
It's like you just wanna walk away to actually feel your existence again.
No matter how many friends you have or just how close you are to your best friend or even boyfriend, there will be days where you feel that no one is there for you, no one will understand what you're feeling deep inside, no one will stand by your side at the end of the day or in short, you feel alone.
Those nights when you feel like staying up all night because you don't wanna fall asleep.
It feels too lonely to fall asleep alone.
Just sitting on your bed, wrapping yourself up in your blanket and shutting the world off to think about life.
After a while, you start crying because you don't know what to feel.
All of a sudden, everything feels wrong.
There's no one to talk to because you don't know who to talk to at such late hours or even worse, you don't know what you're supposed to talk about.
"I know you're afraid, you're terrified of being alone."
How you seem so small in a huge crowd?
It's like you just wanna walk away to actually feel your existence again.
No matter how many friends you have or just how close you are to your best friend or even boyfriend, there will be days where you feel that no one is there for you, no one will understand what you're feeling deep inside, no one will stand by your side at the end of the day or in short, you feel alone.
Those nights when you feel like staying up all night because you don't wanna fall asleep.
It feels too lonely to fall asleep alone.
Just sitting on your bed, wrapping yourself up in your blanket and shutting the world off to think about life.
After a while, you start crying because you don't know what to feel.
All of a sudden, everything feels wrong.
There's no one to talk to because you don't know who to talk to at such late hours or even worse, you don't know what you're supposed to talk about.
"I know you're afraid, you're terrified of being alone."
Monday, October 14, 2013
stronger than yesterday
Is there such thing as being too strong?
Is it wrong wanting to be the strong one?
Every guy wants a girl who is a bit weak so that they could feel strong and capable to protect their girl.
That makes them feel superior.
They think they're able to conquer more when they're the stronger one.
Most of the time, they call strong girls with mean names so as to not get close to them.
Stupid, I must say.
I used to be weak.
I used to cry for the slightest thing that hurt me.
I don't even try holding the tears in because I thought I can't.
I guess bad experiences shape up a person.
Been through quite a lot in these two years and I'm a whole lot more stronger than I was.
It's like nothing seem to quite bother me anymore.
I used to throw my tantrums over my friends and family unnecessarily.
Well, today, I think I am much better at controlling my temper.
Lately, I've been hearing people saying that I'm too strong.
So strong that I push people away whenever they come near.
No, wait a minute, do I push people away because I am weak?
Because I'm afraid if they come nearer, they'll have a chance to hurt me all they want?
Yes, I do realise I don't do things to please people.
It's like 'if you don't like me, I won't even try to make you like me because it's pathetic'.
That is also the reason why I have less than five friends ha-ha.
And by that, I don't even mean real friends ha-ha-ha.
My friend said this to me, "You're so strong I think you don't even need me".
It hurts me a lot to hear that.
It's like being strong is a fault.
Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today.
Is it wrong wanting to be the strong one?
Every guy wants a girl who is a bit weak so that they could feel strong and capable to protect their girl.
That makes them feel superior.
They think they're able to conquer more when they're the stronger one.
Most of the time, they call strong girls with mean names so as to not get close to them.
Stupid, I must say.
I used to be weak.
I used to cry for the slightest thing that hurt me.
I don't even try holding the tears in because I thought I can't.
I guess bad experiences shape up a person.
Been through quite a lot in these two years and I'm a whole lot more stronger than I was.
It's like nothing seem to quite bother me anymore.
I used to throw my tantrums over my friends and family unnecessarily.
Well, today, I think I am much better at controlling my temper.
Lately, I've been hearing people saying that I'm too strong.
So strong that I push people away whenever they come near.
No, wait a minute, do I push people away because I am weak?
Because I'm afraid if they come nearer, they'll have a chance to hurt me all they want?
Yes, I do realise I don't do things to please people.
It's like 'if you don't like me, I won't even try to make you like me because it's pathetic'.
That is also the reason why I have less than five friends ha-ha.
And by that, I don't even mean real friends ha-ha-ha.
My friend said this to me, "You're so strong I think you don't even need me".
It hurts me a lot to hear that.
It's like being strong is a fault.
Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today.
Sunday, October 13, 2013
good and bad, can you really see the difference?
You know how people would always say " Oh, I'm a good boy/girl. I don't club, drink, smoke and etc. "
Well, you know what?
Fuck you.
Fuck you and your judgemental thoughts.
Fuck you and your ugly heart.
Fuck you and the way most people in this world think.
Are you trying to say that by not doing anything rebellious, that makes you a good person?
Bullshit.
Let me tell you something if you don't already know.
A good person is a person who owns a kind heart.
A person who would never do anything to harm someone else.
A good person is a person who is willing to suffer.
A person who would rather keep everything inside than making this world a sadder place to live in.
A good person is a person who is helpful.
A person who would go all out to help someone even if the person he/she is helping may not appreciate it.
A good person is a person who is definitely not judgemental.
A person who would see things from the whole and try understanding the reason behind every action that people take instead of jumping into unnecessary conclusions.
Being a teenager, I've done many rebellious things.
I can't say that I'm a good person because I am not.
But I do know a few really 'badass' people as you all may say, who are really the kindest and greatest people I know.
In fact, those who claim themselves as 'clean' people are the meanest and most selfish people I've come across.
These people would do anything to make sure they are in their own comfort-zone.
These 'bad' people are the ones who stood by my side all this while and to be damn honest, I love these 'bad' people much, much more than anyone else in my life.
The truth is, these 'bad' people will never do anything to harm these 'good' people.
'Bad' people know the consequences of doing such things and yet continues because they love the adrenaline rush.
At the same time, they will never encourage these 'good' people or even talk them into doing anything because they are good.
No, 'bad' people are not ashamed by the things they do.
That is not why they don't talk about it.
It is mainly because they know how judgemental the people in this world are and how they would steer clear of 'bad' people.
Tell me now, who's the bad one?
It's easy to look at people and make quick judgements about them, their present and their past, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often than not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul. Never judge, learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of another.
Well, you know what?
Fuck you.
Fuck you and your judgemental thoughts.
Fuck you and your ugly heart.
Fuck you and the way most people in this world think.
Are you trying to say that by not doing anything rebellious, that makes you a good person?
Bullshit.
Let me tell you something if you don't already know.
A good person is a person who owns a kind heart.
A person who would never do anything to harm someone else.
A good person is a person who is willing to suffer.
A person who would rather keep everything inside than making this world a sadder place to live in.
A good person is a person who is helpful.
A person who would go all out to help someone even if the person he/she is helping may not appreciate it.
A good person is a person who is definitely not judgemental.
A person who would see things from the whole and try understanding the reason behind every action that people take instead of jumping into unnecessary conclusions.
Being a teenager, I've done many rebellious things.
I can't say that I'm a good person because I am not.
But I do know a few really 'badass' people as you all may say, who are really the kindest and greatest people I know.
In fact, those who claim themselves as 'clean' people are the meanest and most selfish people I've come across.
These people would do anything to make sure they are in their own comfort-zone.
These 'bad' people are the ones who stood by my side all this while and to be damn honest, I love these 'bad' people much, much more than anyone else in my life.
The truth is, these 'bad' people will never do anything to harm these 'good' people.
'Bad' people know the consequences of doing such things and yet continues because they love the adrenaline rush.
At the same time, they will never encourage these 'good' people or even talk them into doing anything because they are good.
No, 'bad' people are not ashamed by the things they do.
That is not why they don't talk about it.
It is mainly because they know how judgemental the people in this world are and how they would steer clear of 'bad' people.
Tell me now, who's the bad one?
It's easy to look at people and make quick judgements about them, their present and their past, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often than not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul. Never judge, learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of another.
Sunday, October 6, 2013
061013
I promised myself I would blog today.
No matter what, I must write this post today.
I have always been a rebellious child in the family.
Not the type where I would snap at every word my parents say.
I'm the type who does sneaky things.
Things went really, really wrong last night and I thought it was the end of it.
I prayed so hard, swore to God that I will never do things as such anymore.
It was a very, very precious lesson for me.
Nonetheless, I still thank God for helping me through everything.
Thank God again because I am close to those great people who helped me without a price.
I must say I deserve whatever that had happened.
This would be the point where I stop.
No matter what, I must write this post today.
I have always been a rebellious child in the family.
Not the type where I would snap at every word my parents say.
I'm the type who does sneaky things.
Things went really, really wrong last night and I thought it was the end of it.
I prayed so hard, swore to God that I will never do things as such anymore.
It was a very, very precious lesson for me.
Nonetheless, I still thank God for helping me through everything.
Thank God again because I am close to those great people who helped me without a price.
I must say I deserve whatever that had happened.
This would be the point where I stop.
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
0708
I thought we could fix this.
I thought we were more than this.
I thought it was not over yet.
But I was wrong.
I thought we were more than this.
I thought it was not over yet.
But I was wrong.
fix you
Right after what you sent me, I played this song.
Literally broke down while I listened to each and every relatable words.
Almost choked myself from my just-recovered cough.
0608
I thought we were stronger.
I really thought we were.
It was absolutely out of my expectations for you to actually let go without fighting.
Never gave the slightest doubt about your love for me but your words made me think twice.
Remember when you said you would never let me go?
You just did, so easily, without a second thought.
All I wanted was to try to make you see what we are actually facing.
All I did was try make you understand how I felt.
You said I could tell you anything.
I felt better telling you exactly how I was feeling but it was a wrong decision.
You did not understand after all.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark, same old empty feeling in your heart 'cause love comes slow and it goes so fast.
I really thought we were.
It was absolutely out of my expectations for you to actually let go without fighting.
Never gave the slightest doubt about your love for me but your words made me think twice.
Remember when you said you would never let me go?
You just did, so easily, without a second thought.
All I wanted was to try to make you see what we are actually facing.
All I did was try make you understand how I felt.
You said I could tell you anything.
I felt better telling you exactly how I was feeling but it was a wrong decision.
You did not understand after all.
Staring at the ceiling in the dark, same old empty feeling in your heart 'cause love comes slow and it goes so fast.
Saturday, August 3, 2013
emotions
I wish I was better at writing.
I wish I was better at expressing myself through words.
There are a lot of things which can't be shown spinning in my mind.
I am afraid I might forget how all of these feels.
Feelings fade as time passes.
I wanna remind myself that I've once felt this way when I get the same feeling again.
Is that possible?
Or does every experience comes with a fresh emotion?
Words are too poor to express the strength of my feelings.
I wish I was better at expressing myself through words.
There are a lot of things which can't be shown spinning in my mind.
I am afraid I might forget how all of these feels.
Feelings fade as time passes.
I wanna remind myself that I've once felt this way when I get the same feeling again.
Is that possible?
Or does every experience comes with a fresh emotion?
Words are too poor to express the strength of my feelings.
Sunday, July 28, 2013
absence
Little did I know, I got used to hearing your voice before going to bed.
It was supposed to just be a routine where you call me every night even when you're already dead tired just to say goodnight.
However, this routine slowly became a habit that I can't live without.
Not hearing from you kills me.
Not hearing from you before I sleep kills me even more.
Not having you putting a smile on my face right before I fall asleep breaks me.
I need you.
Missing someone is a part of loving them. If you're never apart, you'll never really know how strong your love is.
It was supposed to just be a routine where you call me every night even when you're already dead tired just to say goodnight.
However, this routine slowly became a habit that I can't live without.
Not hearing from you kills me.
Not hearing from you before I sleep kills me even more.
Not having you putting a smile on my face right before I fall asleep breaks me.
I need you.
Missing someone is a part of loving them. If you're never apart, you'll never really know how strong your love is.
Saturday, June 15, 2013
strength
Things happen.
You can't stop them.
You might as well just learn to enjoy them and learn what brought them here.
One thing's for sure, you will grow stronger.
We are limited only by our thoughts.
You can't stop them.
You might as well just learn to enjoy them and learn what brought them here.
One thing's for sure, you will grow stronger.
We are limited only by our thoughts.
Friday, June 14, 2013
review
So lately I've been indulging myself with this book titled 'The Fault In Our Stars'.
It's really a very beautiful book.
Metaphorically.
The way John Green writes, it makes you wonder a lot about life.
There are parts in this book which I find hard to understand but nonetheless, it is beautiful.
Anyway, there are dozens of beautiful quotes, phrase or whatever you call, in this book.
But there is this one paragraph which I find really, really meaningful and I just wanna share it here.
'Much of my life had been devoted to trying not to cry in front of people who loved me, so I knew what Augustus was doing. You clench your teeth. You look up. You tell yourself that if they see you cry, it will hurt them, and you will be nothing but a sadness in their lives, and you must not become a mere sadness, so you will not cry, and you say all of this to yourself while looking up at the ceiling, and then you swallow even though your throat does not want to close and you look at the person who loves you and smile.'
Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.
Wednesday, May 29, 2013
happiness
Sometimes I ask myself.
Am I really, truly happy?
These people I'm spending time with, are they really the ones who make me happy?
Or am I just hiding the scary truth from myself?
That I am just convincing myself that I am happy
I guess I'll never know.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.
Am I really, truly happy?
These people I'm spending time with, are they really the ones who make me happy?
Or am I just hiding the scary truth from myself?
That I am just convincing myself that I am happy
I guess I'll never know.
The happiest people don't have the best of everything, they just make the best of everything.
Tuesday, May 28, 2013
identity
Hey guys.
I think I'm the kind of girl who hates hopping on the bandwagon.
I hate doing what's mainstream.
I'd rather be the one who starts a trend than be one of the many who follows a trend.
Personally, I find it stupid doing the same thing as everyone else is.
It's just like you lost your own personality in the midst of blending in.
Why can't we do what we really love and not give two hoots on what people might think or what they might say?
Why should we live in such fear when we are supposed to live the way we want to?
They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they are all the same.
I think I'm the kind of girl who hates hopping on the bandwagon.
I hate doing what's mainstream.
I'd rather be the one who starts a trend than be one of the many who follows a trend.
Personally, I find it stupid doing the same thing as everyone else is.
It's just like you lost your own personality in the midst of blending in.
Why can't we do what we really love and not give two hoots on what people might think or what they might say?
Why should we live in such fear when we are supposed to live the way we want to?
They laugh at me because I'm different. I laugh at them because they are all the same.
Sunday, May 26, 2013
regrets
If I am given a choice, I would wanna start all over again.
It breaks my heart knowing that I am no one's priority.
Call me a cry-baby but I am still saying this.
When everyone in you love has someone more important than you in their life, you can't help but feel jealous.
Why does everyone has someone but not you?
One day, they'll be all loving towards you but the next, they're gonna forget you like you've never existed in their life.
I told myself to be strong and turn my back on those who don't need me but somehow, it hurts. It really does.
Making a big life change is pretty scary. But you know what's even scarier? Regrets.
It breaks my heart knowing that I am no one's priority.
Call me a cry-baby but I am still saying this.
When everyone in you love has someone more important than you in their life, you can't help but feel jealous.
Why does everyone has someone but not you?
One day, they'll be all loving towards you but the next, they're gonna forget you like you've never existed in their life.
I told myself to be strong and turn my back on those who don't need me but somehow, it hurts. It really does.
Making a big life change is pretty scary. But you know what's even scarier? Regrets.
Friday, May 3, 2013
haircut gone wrong
So yesterday I went to the saloon I always go to have trim my hair.
It's necessary to get your hair cut regularly and mine hasn't been trimmed for like 5 months because I wanted it to grow.
I finally decided to trim it after a long time because I could see the ends of my hair were really dry.
Usually when I visit that saloon I'd always ask the boss to cut my hair, not anyone else.
Unfortunately, she was busy doing her own hair yesterday wtfff
So I thought, okay maybe for this once I'd let others cut my hair.
Then this lady came to me and asked me what style I want.
Told her that I just want back the shape and trim it just a bit like one inch or so.
I couldn't really see because I took out my spectacles (not wearing contact lenses obviously) so I tried my best to trust her and let her do what she wants.
When she was finally done with my hair I realized that it was all too late.
Came home and I mourned for my hair.
Like seriously.
Cried for almost an hour and this was the worst cry I have this year.
Then I had to hold myself to stop crying because I had tuition.
Later on, I just told myself to fuck it and just tie my hair up for the rest of the month.
Moral of the story : Don't let anyone touch your hair unless you trust him/her.
Wednesday, April 17, 2013
maybe, just maybe
Hello guys.
It's been a really long and tiring week for me in school and I thought that it's good for me to lash out my soreness here ;)
Actually I should be studying right now since mid-year exams are just three weeks or less away but I'm stopping myself from doing so.
I don't know why but I still don't feel the urge to study.
Not forgetting that I do wanna score my exams, like badly.
Okay, maybe I'll try to do something about it after this post.
We'll see ;)
Anyway, this week has been quite a lonely week for me.
You know, sometimes people whom you love drifts away from you while people who you don't really give a damn about, stays.
Is it always this way or is it just me?
Well, I don't really have much friends.
I mean, yes, I have a few friends who I can hang out with when I want to(not all the time actually)
But sometimes, I want something more.
Something more as in, I want someone who'd always be there for me.
Someone who'd sacrifice things for me.
I try to be a good friend for my friends.
I do, I really do.
Maybe because I realize that I'm not the 'joker' of the bunch neither the 'drama-queen'.
I'm just plain.
I'm not the type who can easily cheer people up with the slightest thing I do.
I have to put in a lot to show my friends that I'm really true in our friendship.
And yes, I've got to admit I'm really afraid of losing my friends.
Mainly because I don't have many and that is why I treasure them.
Sunday, April 14, 2013
nothing much
Hey guys.
It's been a long time since I last had a proper post about what's going on with me.
Yes, I've got to admit that I'm a super lazy blogger and sometimes I just don't find things to blog about.
Maybe that's just mainly due to how boring my life actually is.
Anyway, I've decided to start posting new posts more often (interesting or not, I don't give a damn anymore, lol) just to keep this blog more lively.
Since this is my last year in high school and all, I think it is necessary to write down somewhere about what's really going on in case one day, I might wanna look back at those memories.
For now, I'm going to keep this short and peace out.
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