Just recently I watched this movie called 500 days of Summer.
This is a movie of a boy and his 500 days with a girl named Summer.
You may think that this is a typical chick flick/rom-com where the guy meets this girl, Summer and they fall in love.
Later on, the guy fucks up and make the girl mad and in the end, they'd have a happy ending.
No, this is nothing close.
This is about a guy who falls in love but the girl doesn't.
The reason for my post here is because this movie got me thinking - mostly about the previous relationships I had.
Yes, I am just 19 and you might think like 'what relationships? Those before you're 20 can't even be counted as 'relationships' '.
Yeap, exactly!
I mean, what was I thinking when I was younger?
Why did I go all my may to rebel against what my mother told me?
And then I thought, if I did not go through all those failures, I wouldn't know what I want and what I need today.
Most of my previous relationships lasted for about two months or less except for one.
The reason why they never last was because I was still in school and usually things will get in the way and I was never the type who could tolerate a not-working-out relationship.
To be honest, most of the time when I decide that I was going to be with this boy, I wasn't even thinking thoroughly.
It was pretty much just like 'fuck it, what do I have to lose'.
So yes, I just followed my guts and went along with it.
It was not until after a while that I get to know the boy better that I start regretting for saying yes in the first place.
I do not
know the boy at all when I said yes!
When regret started kicking in, I realised it was a bit too late because by then, he'd be thinking that we were going steady.
In the end, when I bring up the issue of breaking up, he'd end up hating me.
And I've learnt to always take things at my own pace and to not ever rush into relationships.
Most of the time, when the boys want me to be called theirs, they'd make all sorts of promises.
They'd convince you that this time it will last and we were going to be so happy together because they wanted me.
Because
at that moment, they wanted me.
It is not until when we were actually together that I realised how much those were just words.
When these relationships end, I'd be awfully hurt knowing that they never meant those words in the first place.
And I've learnt that there will always be broken promises and I should never take words seriously.
Then comes this boy, who was an exception.
I was so crazily into him that I took more than two years to get over him.
Truth is, you don't really move on from someone even if you think you did.
It just sort of happens when you get busy with life and you stop wondering about him.
Time heals, indeed.
Now that I can think clearly without him fogging up my brain, I know why it was so hard on me - because I had only looked at the best parts of back when we were a thing.
Somehow, there were just so many bad memories that I used to overlook.
That was how I know I was
crazily into him.
It was pretty much one-sided and we were never really together but I guess, at that time, it was all I ever wanted because I felt really loved and wanted.
One day, I just woke up and realised that this could not go on forever.
Why should I torture myself every night before going to bed?
Why am I still stalking him on social media and think that there might just be a second chance?
Why do I have to go through all these breakdowns when I see him with another girl on social medias?
Why am I still waiting for him to call or text even if he never actually did linger?
Why am I still wishing that he might think about me once in a while?
I have to admit that it was hard at first.
It was like every time when I decide that it should be over, he'd call out of nowhere or he'd ask me out and I'd give in.
I used to think 'okay, maybe this time it's going to work' but no, it never did.
Not once.
So I'd end up even more broken than the previous times.
Six months ago, I thought he did not matter to me anymore but boy, was I wrong.
He was with another girl and I couldn't help but cried.
That was when I know, when someone used to be so important to me, I can't simply just forget him.
It will still hurt, just not as much.
The relationship between Tom and Summer looked almost perfect, at least to Tom.
But Summer, well, Summer never thought Tom as
the one.
She was still looking even when she was with Tom.
She was happy with Tom but it was never enough for her and there were some parts of her that still pushes him away.
When Summer left, Tom was broken and enraged because he thought everything was well.
He kept searching for the first time things went wrong between them, but he couldn't.
Of course he couldn't, because he wasn't even looking.
Then he meets her again and he thought, 'this is it, this is his second chance'.
How wrong he was.
He almost lost himself when she left for the second time.
Then, he knew she was never going to come back and so he picked himself up and started his life in another direction.
Even after that, when he bumps into Summer, he still loved her but at least this time, he knows that summer is over.
Only when he opens up the windows to his heart again that he could finally see what he was looking for and what went wrong.
Next time when you look back, look again.
