alone

You know how sometimes you'll feel lonely even if you're in a room full of people?
How you seem so small in a huge crowd?
It's like you just wanna walk away to actually feel your existence again.
No matter how many friends you have or just how close you are to your best friend or even boyfriend, there will be days where you feel that no one is there for you, no one will understand what you're feeling deep inside, no one will stand by your side at the end of the day or in short, you feel alone.

Those nights when you feel like staying up all night because you don't wanna fall asleep.
It feels too lonely to fall asleep alone.
Just sitting on your bed, wrapping yourself up in your blanket and shutting the world off to think about life.
After a while, you start crying because you don't know what to feel.
All of a sudden, everything feels wrong.
There's no one to talk to because you don't know who to talk to at such late hours or even worse, you don't know what you're supposed to talk about.

"I know you're afraid, you're terrified of being alone."

Superman - Five For Fighting (Boyce Avenue cover) on iTunes‬ & Spotify

stronger than yesterday

Is there such thing as being too strong?
Is it wrong wanting to be the strong one?

Every guy wants a girl who is a bit weak so that they could  feel strong and capable to protect their girl.
That makes them feel superior.
They think they're able to conquer more when they're the stronger one.
Most of the time, they call strong girls with mean names so as to not get close to them.
Stupid, I must say.

I used to be weak.
I used to cry for the slightest thing that hurt me.
I don't even try holding the tears in because I thought I can't.
I guess bad experiences shape up a person.
Been through quite a lot in these two years and I'm a whole lot more stronger than I was.
It's like nothing seem to quite bother me anymore.
I used to throw my tantrums over my friends and family unnecessarily.
Well, today, I think I am much better at controlling my temper.

Lately, I've been hearing people saying that I'm too strong.
So strong that I push people away whenever they come near.
No, wait a minute, do I push people away because I am weak?
Because I'm afraid if they come nearer, they'll have a chance to hurt me all they want?
Yes, I do realise I don't do things to please people.
It's like 'if you don't like me, I won't even try to make you like me because it's pathetic'.
That is also the reason why I have less than five friends ha-ha.
And by that, I don't even mean real friends ha-ha-ha.
My friend said this to me, "You're so strong I think you don't even need me".
It hurts me a lot to hear that.
It's like being strong is a fault.

Every struggle in your life has shaped you into the person you are today.

good and bad, can you really see the difference?

You know how people would always say " Oh, I'm a good boy/girl. I don't club, drink, smoke and etc. "
Well, you know what?
Fuck you.
Fuck you and your judgemental thoughts.
Fuck you and your ugly heart.
Fuck you and the way most people in this world think.

Are you trying to say that by not doing anything rebellious, that makes you a good person?
Bullshit.
Let me tell you something if you don't already know.

A good person is a person who owns a kind heart.
A person who would never do anything to harm someone else.
A good person is a person who is willing to suffer.
A person who would rather keep everything inside than making this world a sadder place to live in.
A good person is a person who is helpful.
A person who would go all out to help someone even if the person he/she is helping may not appreciate it.
A good person is a person who is definitely not judgemental.
A person who would see things from the whole and try understanding the reason behind every action that people take instead of jumping into unnecessary conclusions.

Being a teenager, I've done many rebellious things.
I can't say that I'm a good person because I am not.
But I do know a few really 'badass' people as you all may say, who are really the kindest and greatest people I know.
In fact, those who claim themselves as 'clean' people are the meanest and most selfish people I've come across.
These people would do anything to make sure they are in their own comfort-zone.

These 'bad' people are the ones who stood by my side all this while and to be damn honest, I love these 'bad' people much, much more than anyone else in my life.
The truth is, these 'bad' people will never do anything to harm these 'good' people.
'Bad' people know the consequences of doing such things and yet continues because they love the adrenaline rush.
At the same time, they will never encourage these 'good' people or even talk them into doing anything because they are good.
No, 'bad' people are not ashamed by the things they do.
That is not why they don't talk about it.
It is mainly because they know how judgemental the people in this world are and how they would steer clear of 'bad' people.
Tell me now, who's the bad one?

It's easy to look at people and make quick judgements about them, their present and their past, but you'd be amazed at the pain and tears a single smile hides. What a person shows to the world is only one tiny facet of the iceberg hidden from sight. And more often than not, it's lined with cracks and scars that go all the way to the foundation of their soul. Never judge, learn to respect and acknowledge the feelings of another.

061013

I promised myself I would blog today.
No matter what, I must write this post today.

I have always been a rebellious child in the family.
Not the type where I would snap at every word my parents say.
I'm the type who does sneaky things.
Things went really, really wrong last night and I thought it was the end of it.
I prayed so hard, swore to God that I will never do things as such anymore.
It was a very, very precious lesson for me.
Nonetheless, I still thank God for helping me through everything.
Thank God again because I am close to those great people who helped me without a price.
I must say I deserve whatever that had happened.
This would be the point where I stop.