not good enough

Surrounded by people who outshine me all the time is no fun at all.
They may be my friends and my loved ones but being the last one whom anyone will look at every single time hurts.
I do not have a hot body, a great humour, an above average face and heck, I don't even know how to socialise.
The only thing I am good at is saying mean things because I don't hide my real feelings.
Some call this being real, being myself but to me this is a weakness.
Nobody wants to hear anything bad about themselves especially not straight on the face.
Nobody cares unless it's a compliment.
I wish I could love myself more but it seems like I will never be good enough.

trap

Do you remember when your parents told you to not date at such a young age?
Have you ever wondered how would it be right now if you actually listened?
As a teenager, it is really easy to infatuate with someone.
You may think you are in love when it is just admiration.
How do you even know if that is love you are feeling in the first place?
You were not taught on how to handle love when it happens to you.
Hence, you do the most relevant thing by getting into a relationship without knowing it is all a trap.
A trap where you will be scarred for life.
As peripheral as this may sound, love is not always about having.

Do you love him because you need him or do you need him because you love him?

everything has changed

As much as I'm reluctant to admit this, it is crystal clear that everything is no longer the same anymore.
This little circle of friendship may be chained strongly but again, life is a bitch.
We can no more be there for one another, holding each other's back just to make sure the other party feels better.
It's not about 'not making time'.
It's 'not being able to make time'.
I can now finally understand why is it so difficult for high school leavers to organise a gathering.
When we were in school, we see each other at least 5 days a week.
Some weeks if we're lucky, we spend each day of the week together.
If we can't be there for a friend at that moment, we will eventually meet the following day.
Catching-ups were never this hard that everything else you're doing feels like a burden.

Things change and friends leave and life doesn't stop for anybody.

hatred

My thoughts exactly.

How can I hate and love you so much at the same time?
I hate the way you push me away and come back making me feel like I was the only one.
I hate it when you smile at me, telling me everything is going to be fine.
I hate that you wipe my tears away when you're the reason behind it.
Most of all, I just hate the way you made me fell helplessly for you.

updates

Hello.
I know I haven't updated this space for quite some time.
My last post was about two to three weeks ago.
I know I only have a few readers but I still feel obliged to keep writing.
Almost everyday, I tell myself I must blog but due to work, I hardly have any time for myself.
Days when I don't need to work, I spend them with my friends or family.
Even some days when I work in the evenings, I still spend them with people I care about.
When I get home at night, I'm already too tired and exhausted to blog.
For all I know, I'm not even active on my favourite social platform ( Twitter ) anymore.
Of course, I am not complaining at all.
I'd rather be busy, tired and have limited time for myself than just staying at home all day and night.
Promise you I'll blog about work on the next post.
Oh and I've sort of decided where I'm gonna further my studies and what I'm gonna do.
Although I'm not 100% sure this is what I want but it is close enough.
Till then, xx